Sunday, May 18, 2014

i've got 99 worries and a bitch ain't one

posted by jennifer:

99.   will the above ground pool burst and flood the neighbors?
98.   is that dry spot on my nose early skin cancer?
97.   will using the word bitch in the title of this post offend someone?
96.   should i have kept those reef flip flops instead of sending them back?
95.   is my evening margarita cocktail causing my recent weight gain?
94.   are those bug bites or a rash?
93.   do i have enough clothes for summer?  because after that last heat wave it doesn't seem 
92.   did i remember to lock up the chickens for the night?
91.   did the kids brush and floss?
90.   is smart rinse bad for the kids?
89.   should i be having the kids do more chores?
88.   did i give the kids their allowance last month?
87.    is my extreme fatigue a side effect of some serious condition?
86.   does my breath stink?
85.   are the tires overdue for a rotation?
84.   should i get a spare key made for the car?
83.   will i ever find time to work on my etsy shop?
82.   do i turn left or right?
81.   am i going to be late for pick-up?
80.   are these apples going to be mealy?
79.   is this chicken really, really free range?
78.   did the checker give me my milk bottle deposit back?
77.    am i going to be able to use this broccoli before it yellows?
76.    should i buy non-0rganic onions since they don't have any organic onions in stock?
75.    is that normal?
74.    will my apple tree survive being transplanted?
73.    will the gophers get through this wire mesh?
72.    will this drought end soon?
71.    when do i need to have the paperwork in for girl scout camp?
70.    did i already pay for camp in full?
69.    when are the kids due for their dental appointments?
68.    what country are the tdap vaccines manufactured in?
67.    how much longer before i need to buy more lay crumble for the chickens?
66.    am i going to get any tomatoes from my garden this year?
65.    did i plant too many tomatoes this year?
64.    where is my bathing suit bottom?  did i leave it at the hotel?
63.    are there remains of any buried pets in this spot of yard?  is it safe to dig here?
62.    where did that needle drop?
61.    did i get all the pieces of broken glass picked up?
60.    is it a sinus infection or just allergies?
59.    is there anything in my teeth?
58.    did i give emma her lunch money?
57.    are we almost out of milk?
56.    is there enough milk for my morning tea at least?
55.    has the laundry in the washing machine sat so long it is starting to stink?
54.    did i leave the water running?
53.    did i turn the oven off?
52.    is this a heart attack or just gas?
51.    am i going to have to stop drinking coffee because of this heartburn?
50.    what is more important?   shade grown coffee or fair trade?
49.    why doesn't target label what country market pantry items are made in?
48.    where is my sugar from?
47.    am i part of  problem when i watch the kardashians?
46.    is khloe doing okay?
45.    should i have sent thank you notes for maya's birthday gifts?
44.    where are those library books?
43.    how much can you owe in library fines and still be able to check books out?
42.    should i change trash disposal companies?
41.    should i change our cable service to direct tv?
40.   would it be better to just get rid of the tv?
39.   am i almost out of tampons?
38.   when will i go through menopause?
37.   do i need to wash this new shirt before i wear it for the first time?
36.   are the other harry potter movies appropriate for emma?
35.   do i get enough iodine in my diet?
34.   am i charging too much for my totes?
33.   am i shortchanging myself on my totes?
32.   is my cast iron griddle ruined?
31.   is cooking spray slowly giving us cancer?
30.   why am i having such a hard time finding aluminum free baking powder?
29.   how is it possible that the fda is so corrupt?
28.   are the rollie pollies going to eat my seedlings tonight?
27.    how safe is this sluggo plus anyway?
26.    is the venus flytrap getting enough to eat?
25.    is it bad that i crave onion rings 3x  a week?
24.   are alexia frozen onion rings really all natural?
23.   will the smell of onion rings cooking at 9:30 p.m. attract any kids already in bed?
22.   are my computer passwords secure?
21.    should we put handrails up in the front yard?
20.   should i have hidden my emerging gray?
19.   what kind of hairstyle am i going to have in 30 years.... when i am 73 years old?
18.    am i supposed to be doing self breast exams?
17.    is the amount of pee i leak when i sneeze going to get greater as i age?
16.    is this normal?
15.    are these cut off yoga pants baggy in the rear?
14.    will i ever be passionate about yoga again?
13.    will we ever get the kitchen floor done?
12.    are those asbestos tiles on the kitchen floor?
11.    it is strange that i painted that paint sample on the kitchen wall a year ago and nothing
         more has been done?
10.    is a stove hood vent really necessary?
9.      will ryan have another bad reaction to a bee sting?
8.      am i too outspoken?
7.      am i not outspoken enough?
6.      how long has that chicken broth in the refrigerator been open?
5.      is it too hot to make soup for dinner?
4.      will this surge protector protect the refrigerator during a power failure?
3.      do we have batteries for the headlamps?
2.      do i look like a total dork in this headlamp?
1.      will i ever be ready to own another dog?  because right now dog sitting for a couple of
         days scratches any itch on that front.



  1. Being a great blog poster sure ain't a worry for you either! Laughed out loud several times reading that list.

    Also BTW, Re: #97: **** 'em.
    #88: They will tell you if you forget.
    #82: Left.
    #47: Yes.
    #29: The F stands for Federal.
    #23: Maybe, but that's what locks and chains are for.
    #17: I don't know, keep me posted!
    #10: Hell no.
    #8: No.
    #7: No. (read #7 again and think of the answer as no - it makes the brain feel funny)
    #2: How did I look when I wore it to put up my hammock?

    Maybe I'll think of a list like this. Bet each of us Taylor bloods could rattle one off twice as long as this in no time! First for my list would be: Will I actually write this list? I love you.

    1. seriously. i thought it would take days to write this list. and all i had to do was look at a single object or think of a room and all of these things just came popping into my head.
      thank you for the nice compliment. i love you too. -jennifer

  2. I love starting my day off laughing. Funniest blog post I've ever read.

    #95 Ask Uncle Matt
    #78 Check your receipt, if you can find it. I mean, I hope so.
    #46 who's Khloe?
    #40 The only person missing our's is Grandpa.
    #30 Do you want to bring you some on Saturday?
    #32 What happened to it?
    #31 Oh dear!
    #21 No. Let them walk around the back.
    #10 No. Proof at 225.

    1. i am glad to make you laugh early in the day. and not knowing who khloe is is proof that you are officially not part of the problem. (she is a kardashian) i will check sprouts again today for my baking powder.. and if i can't find it, i will let you know. love, jennifer

  3. Hahahaha. Love it! (And loved reading the comments then scrolling up to read the problem.)
    #46. She'll be okay.

  4. Jennifer, I was wondering...did writing these down make you feel any better about any of them?